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DBT skills

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the core skill and the one most therapists teach first. It is not relaxation, and it is not about emptying your mind. It is the habit of noticing what is going on, in your body and around you, and naming it, so that you choose what to do next instead of being carried along by it.

Wise Mind

When

Any decision that matters, especially when you feel pulled hard one way. Emotion mind is hot: ruled by the mood and the urge, and the facts don't count. Reasonable mind is cool: ruled by facts and logic, and the feeling doesn't count. Wise mind is the one inside you that sees the value of both.

How

1. Pause. Breathe in, and let your attention settle somewhere in your middle, your gut or your chest.
2. On the in-breath, ask wise mind the question. On the out-breath, listen. Don't supply the answer yourself; wait for it. If nothing comes, try again later.
3. Or ask: "Is this wise mind?" about the thing you are about to do, the same way.
4. Act from the answer. Practise this when nothing is wrong, so it is there when something is.

For example

Your daughter comes home before anyone was ready. Emotion mind wants to shout at the insurer; reasonable mind wants a spreadsheet. Wise mind says: tonight, be present with her; tomorrow, make the calls.

On your card

Note it when you deliberately paused before a decision, even if the decision was small.

Observe

When

When you want to know what is actually happening before you react. The first of the three "what" skills (Observe, Describe, Participate).

How

1. Pick one thing: your breath at the nostrils, the weight of your feet, a sound in the room.
2. Notice it without changing it or judging it.
3. When your attention wanders, and it will, notice that too and come back.

For example

Sitting with your attention on how the breath feels going in and out of your nose, for two minutes, not to calm down but to see what is there. That exercise is this skill.

On your card

Note it when you did a deliberate noticing exercise, or caught an emotion rising and watched it instead of acting.

Describe

When

Right after Observe, or any time a feeling is big and vague. Putting words on it shrinks it to something you can work with.

How

1. Say what you noticed in plain words: "tight chest", "anger, about a 7", "the thought that this will never end".
2. Stick to what you observed. "I feel ignored" is a judgement; "he didn't reply and I felt a drop in my stomach" is a description.

For example

"That's sadness, and it's about the house being quiet again."

On your card

Note it when you named an emotion or urge in words, out loud or in your head, before deciding what to do.

Participate

When

When you are in something worth being in: a conversation, a game, a walk. The opposite of watching yourself from the outside.

How

1. Throw yourself into the activity in front of you.
2. Let go of the running commentary.
3. If self-consciousness shows up, notice it and go back in.

For example

Playing poker and actually playing poker, rather than replaying the day at the table.

On your card

Note it when you were fully in an activity for a stretch of time.

Nonjudgmentally, One-mindfully, Effectively

When

These are the three "how" skills: the manner in which you do the "what" skills, and everything else.

How

1. Nonjudgmentally: notice "good" and "bad" labels and drop them. Describe instead. Judging the judging doesn't count either.
2. One-mindfully: one thing at a time. Eat when eating, listen when listening.
3. Effectively: do what works in this situation. Give up being right, drop the stubbornness, play by the rules of the situation you are actually in.

For example

Being the calm, reasonable one for the family when every part of you wants to vent is "effectively" in practice.

On your card

Note "Effectively" when you chose what worked over what the feeling demanded.

This page is general education, written in plain language, about skills taught in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It is not treatment or advice, and it is not a substitute for care from a qualified clinician. DBT and its skills are the work of Marsha M. Linehan. Strongest Point is an independent tool and is not affiliated with, endorsed by or licensed by Dr. Linehan, Behavioral Tech, the Linehan Institute or Guilford Press. The wording here is ours; the skills are hers. If you are in crisis, use the Crisis help button in the app or contact your local emergency number.

Updated 2026-10-03. Questions or corrections: hello@strongestpoint.com.