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DBT skills

Emotion Regulation

Emotions are information, and most of the time they are right. These skills are for when an emotion is bigger than the facts justify, or when acting on it will not help, and for the daily upkeep that makes you harder to knock over in the first place. Half of a typical diary card's anchors come from this group.

Check the facts

When

When an emotion feels too big, or you are about to act on a story about what someone meant.

How

1. What is the emotion I want to change, and how strong is it?
2. What actually happened, in facts you could have filmed? No mind-reading, no "always" or "never".
3. What am I assuming it means? List the other possible readings.
4. Am I assuming a threat? Name it, and rate how likely it really is. What else could happen?
5. What's the catastrophe? Picture it happening, then picture coping with it.
6. Does the emotion, at this size, fit the facts? If yes, and acting on it would help: problem-solve. If no: opposite action.

For example

"She didn't text back" plus "she's angry at me" plus a sinking afternoon. Fact: no reply. Other reading: she is at work.

On your card

Note it when you stopped to separate what happened from what you made of it.

Opposite action

When

When the emotion doesn't fit the facts, or acting on it won't help. Check the facts first. Then act against the urge, all the way, and the emotion follows.

How

1. Fear says avoid: approach, again and again, until it eases.
2. Anger says attack: be gently decent, or step away kindly.
3. Sadness says withdraw: get active, reach out, go to the thing.
4. Shame says hide: when you have done nothing wrong, show up.
5. Do it fully, body language included. Half-hearted doesn't count.

For example

Sadness says stay in. You go for the walk anyway, and twenty minutes in it is a little lighter.

On your card

Note the emotion and what you did instead. This one is worth a flag for session.

Problem solving

When

When the emotion does fit the facts and the situation can be changed.

How

1. Describe the problem precisely, then check the facts. Make sure this is the problem.
2. Set a goal that could actually happen: what has to change for you to be OK?
3. Brainstorm. Lots of options, no judging yet, ask people you trust.
4. Pick the one or two that fit the goal and could work. Do pros and cons if you're torn.
5. Take the first step, then the second.
6. Review. If it didn't work, go back and pick another.

For example

The insurer's denial: an appeal, a call to the case manager, a letter from the provider. Pick the first step and make the call.

On your card

Note it when you turned a worry into a next step.

ABC: Accumulate positives, Build mastery, Cope ahead

When

Every week, as upkeep. These lower how easily you get flooded.

How

1. Accumulate positive emotions: daily small pleasant things, and longer-term steps toward what you value. Avoid avoiding.
2. Build mastery: one thing a day that is a little hard and that you can finish. Raise the bar gradually.
3. Cope ahead: for a situation you know is coming, describe it, name the feelings that will get in the way, decide the skills you will use, picture yourself in it and rehearse, including what to do if it goes wrong. Then relax.

For example

Gratitude and compassion counts on your card are "accumulate positives". Rehearsing the Thursday call before Thursday is "cope ahead".

On your card

Many cards track these as their own items rather than as a skill. Either way works.

PLEASE: look after the body

When

Every day. Most of a diary card's anchors live here, because a tired, hungry, medicated-late body makes every emotion bigger.

How

1. PhysicaL illness: treat it, take the medication.
2. Eating: balanced, regular.
3. Avoid mood-altering substances.
4. Sleep: enough, and regular.
5. Exercise: some, most days.

For example

Hours of sleep, medication, walking and alcohol on your card. You are already tracking PLEASE.

On your card

Usually tracked as separate anchor items rather than as a "skill used".

Mindfulness of current emotions

When

When an emotion fits the facts but acting on it won't help, or when it doesn't fit and you are not going to do opposite action right now. Letting it be there is what lets it pass. If it is so extreme you can't think, crisis survival skills first, then come back to this.

How

1. Notice where it sits in the body.
2. Let it come and go like a wave. Don't block it, don't hold on to it, don't amplify it.
3. Notice the action urge and don't act on it. Just the noticing.
4. Remind yourself you are not the emotion, and that you have felt differently before and will again.

For example

Grief about the summer that didn't happen. Sit with it for ten minutes instead of pushing it down or drinking it away.

On your card

Note it when you let a feeling run its course on purpose.

This page is general education, written in plain language, about skills taught in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It is not treatment or advice, and it is not a substitute for care from a qualified clinician. DBT and its skills are the work of Marsha M. Linehan. Strongest Point is an independent tool and is not affiliated with, endorsed by or licensed by Dr. Linehan, Behavioral Tech, the Linehan Institute or Guilford Press. The wording here is ours; the skills are hers. If you are in crisis, use the Crisis help button in the app or contact your local emergency number.

Updated 2026-10-03. Questions or corrections: hello@strongestpoint.com.